Losing 45 pounds. Getting parenting advice from Snoop Dogg. Bert Kreischer knows he’s the luckiest guy around — and he’s recounting his blessings.

Offensive lines. Full-contact comedy. Kevin Hart hosts this all-star roast of NFL legend Tom Brady.

Bert Kreischer faces a familial crisis and the arrival of his estranged father when the ghost of his booze-soaked past arrives: a murderous mobster hellbent on kidnapping Bert back to…